This Time
by Bunnies are Vicious
Summary: This time it was too late, "There was no misunderstanding this time. Everyone realized I could have let them die, yet I didn't." Ichigo reflects after a reluctant battle.


**Okay not dead! Whoo!  
First. Yes I realize it's almost been a month.****I have no reasonable excuse as to why I haven't updated _Behind The Mask, _other than the fact I didn't feel like writing it, and I didn't want to force the flow.  
****Second, this is a distract-... uh I mean drabble I felt like writing up. Why do I always go with angst?  
Finally Enjoy my...drabble until I post the next few chapters. Which, I promise I'll try and work on soon, but keep in mind school starts...today, actually.**

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**On a side-note the "You" he refers to is separate from the group as a whole. You can imagine it to be whoever you want it to be.**

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Background info: Ichigo reflects. The shinigami's orders were to repeatedly leave and come back, apparently. After overhearing a conversation saying he was simply means to an end before they asked him to fight a battle they stood no chance in winning, he refuses. Relaxing at home he is overcome with guilt of leaving them helpless he asks Urahara to send him to the battle. Easily winning the almost pitiful fight he turns his back on them for good.

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You had cast me out without so much as a second glance, and then try and bring me back assuming I'll come back without a second thought, like a good toy would. I'm tired of being played with. Now, the one time that I'm calling the shots, I'm choosing to save you, to fight with you and be on your side. When it's all and done you'll ask me why and I'll lie and say _'it's only because I wanted to kick their asses for the longest time and now I can do it without reprimand'_. But you know it's not true. They all know why I came back in the moment of monumental despair but you are all I'm focused on. You let my bluff slide and watch me with eyes filled with such guilt I feel hesitation deep within me. There's a brief moment as I stare in your eyes where I actually _hope_ you might say something, anything…but you don't so I turn to leave ignoring the heavily bleeding wound I acquired saving your very life.

I can hear the others calling me so I pause and listen but don't look back. Everyone is shouting, apologizing, saying it was only orders. I ignore most of them and it doesn't surprise me that I hear nothing from you. I understand even if others don't your silence means more than anything you could have said. But it isn't enough, my trust that took you months to build had broken. I realized there had been times it had broken before, each time you had been forgiven. But I didn't want to forgive something I was sure would happen again.

So instead I stare towards them with criticizing eyes still filled with unleashed power and they flinched. Never once had I given them that stare despite how many times they'd seen me use it. The cold rage in my eyes could destroy a man where he stood if I stared long enough, but they only see it a few seconds before I turn away.

"I guess I was wrong." My voice cuts and gasps fill the air all of them wondering where had the real me they knew had gone replaced by this cold and deadly replacement. I want to shout out 'this is the real me, the one you had bypassed by gaining my trust.' Yet I don't, I remain silent and cast my gaze towards you; you flinch, as you should, and recognition fills your gaze finally realizing your mistake. My hand grips the hilt of my sword, and through all its emotions it snaps to attention. By back remains towards everyone once again and I can practically feel them all tense wondering if I'm going to kill them as well. Three inches of blade appear out of my sheath. You touch your own sword with apprehension and a brief thought crosses my mind; who would you chose? I already know however, it would always be them.

The air shifts and I find myself moving faster than I should be able to in my wounded state. My sword arching as I spun. My feet stop and by body follows, everyone looks at me in fear. Had I missed? Was it a warning? I ignored them all and lifted by sword again, even as everyone tensed, I exposed the blade dripping with red and gasps were let loose. People patted themselves down, I waited patiently until three thumps hit the ground. Puffs of dirt flying with the sudden airlift. The bodies, previously invisible, flicker into view. Three arrancar, each beheaded and bleeding out, laid at my feet. Without another sound I turn once more and walk away knowing they had gotten the message.

This time **I** saved their lives. This time **I** fought for their side. This time **I** spared them. This time **I let** them live. This time they understood. They understood I had protected them, the arrancar hadn't been facing me after all. There was **no** misunderstanding this time. Everyone realized I could have let them die, yet I didn't. Everyone realized I could have turned my back, yet I didn't.

This time, everyone realized what had truly been lost.

This time, they realized, it was their fault, finally comprehending it was their fault.

This time, everyone realized, my trust and respect for them was gone.

This time, they realized, was the last time I would save them

This time, everyone realized I wasn't coming back…


End file.
